Lois and the Big Drug Deal

There was something about her that Ray Ray recognized from across the parking lot. Eating a bag of Fritos in the morning, wearing heels in a mini mart, bangs. Ray Ray motioned for her to come over and immediately got to business. She was appropriately suspicious. Ray Ray had a face like a plowed field, but he knew how to dress. She came closer. 

They settled on one gram for fifty bucks, friends-and-family price. Lois didn’t have the cash on her so they agreed to meet at 11:00 the next morning at Daphne’s Diner, out on Route 6 across from Mattress City.

“Don’t be late” said Ray Ray. “I’m on a schedule.” 

Ray Ray, budding author and car thief, was not on a schedule. He needed a few bucks, and meant to steal a car so he could get up to Crescent City to see his mother.  She was poorly. 

The Mattress City parking lot was easy pickings. It generally takes a long time to buy a bed. But the employee parking lot was where the real deals are for a car thief. Wait til after their lunch break and you’re gifted  4 or 5 hours of head start. Employee parking is often in the shady bit along the fence.

Next morning, at 10:45, Ray Ray was settled into a booth, one from the end, view of the door and out the window, sipping a milky coffee at Daphne’s Diner and writing on a yellow pad. He liked a little lag time to case the place, known exits, hit the head. Get some writing done. Ray Ray knew a lot of guys who liked to try to look invisible on a drug deal, wear dark colors kinda thing. Whereas, Ray Ray was a Hide-in-Plain-Site type of businessman. 

He turned to the “Possible Titles” page and wrote:  “How to Steal Cars and Influence People” The book was beginning to take shape. He knew about stealing cars the way Bukowski knew about getting drunk. His friend, Clarence, had assured him that if he wrote a list of every car he could remember stealing, that a story would be jump out of each car. Clarence knew about this kind of thing.

As Daphne came toward him with a coffee pot, she saw the menu untouched on the table.  Ray Ray raised an index finger, the universal symbol for something, in this case, ‘Can’t talk now, will order soon, meeting someone, she’s on her way’.

Daphne turned back toward the kitchen. 

 “Oh, wait. Miss?” Ray Ray’s finger now casually pointing at the help wanted sign. “My friend is looking for work, but …how long is a typical shift? 10 hours? I don’t think she can work 10 hours, on her feet all day. But she’s strong and has worked in diners quite a bit. Well, she grew up in a diner.”

 “I do 7 hour shifts,” said Daphne. “But I’m doing it all by myself today so who knows.  Tell her to come in. Tell her I need her.” 

“I’ll do just that.” 

Daphne’s car would certainly be parked out back and he knew he had till closing tonight before she would notice it gone. Ray Ray was nothing if not flexible. He liked to think of it as an index of  possibilities. Mattress City was now his back up.

Ray Ray noted down a few more cars. “’94 white Accord, bullet hole in the rear window. Truckee. White out Blizzard. Picked up runaway in a wheelchair.”  Clarence was right. Every car was a story. This was going to be easy. He was the last of the cowboys. Kind of Bonnie and Clyde thing, without Bonnie, or banks. 

Ray Ray looked at the clock on the wall. She was ten minutes late.  What was her name? Didn’t matter. Oh, Lois. She would come. Ray Ray’s ‘cocaine’ was actually baby laxatives, talcum powder, a touch of Lidocaine and something that was apparently very effective in deworming cattle. He’d give her few more minutes. Ray Ray didn’t consider himself a drug dealer, a low life profession, because technically Ray Ray didn’t actually sell drugs. 

He wrote for a while. The book was writing itself. No question. He was on to something. In the flow. Ray Ray glanced back at the clock. Twenty minutes was still an acceptable amount of time to be late for a drug deal. Ray Ray was not impatient. He felt a little bit bad about taking advantage of a girl so young. This was right on the edge of being a violation of his Code of Conduct.  It did not fit into his sense of propriety,  ripping off the young.  This was a special occasion on account of his mother being unwell. Ray Ray turned to the “Code of Conduct” page in his notebook. 

Lois had taken a right instead of a left at the light, and was trying to find her way back across the railroad tracks. The crossing had somehow disappeared. Lois had a terrible sense of direction and GPS was still 5 years away from being a thing. Pulling in to a Texaco station to get directions her car suddenly overheated and steam was escaping out every vehicular orifice.

A lanky mechanic was walking toward her wiping his hands with a red rag. Before she knew it, she was gazing at this guy who looked a lot like James Dean. He had a little name tag saying Marvin, woven in red thread on his chest. Just below the Texaco Star.  It was a little spooky. The look alike thing. Lois lowered her window all the way down and explained her situation to Marvin. She needed to get to Daphne’s Diner, did he know it?  Could he call her a cab? 

“I’m just about to get me some lunch,” said Marvin. 

Lois had always had thing for James Dean. And this guy. It was kind of uncanny. 

“Let me drive you where you’re going and we’ll look at your car later.”

Lois didn’t really want James Dean to see her buying coke from Ray Ray. 

“Good food at Daphne’s.,,”

Lois got out of her car. As she did, she noticed she was very turned on. 

She slipped into the front seat of Marvin’s truck. She scooted over next to him and touched his arm. 

“How far is it,” she asked demurely. “In minutes.” 

Back at Daphne’s, Ray Ray was working on his Code of Conduct. He made some notes about ripping off young people, but the wording needed some work.

1. Never steal a car when you’re drunk. 

2. Don’t steal cars you’d want to own, or junkers. The middle of the road, Honda Accords, Hyundai, Honda Civics from the 90’s. That’s your market.

There were 4 or 5 other things but Ray Ray wanted to elaborate on number one. 

He had plans to hand this Code of Conduct down to his son, though at present, Ray Ray didn’t have a son.

 “Never steal a car when you are drunk.” He could imagine saying to his first born. “Drunk drivers are a known menace. Drunk thieves, on the other hand, equally problematic, though far less publicized.” 

“Listen to your father,” he would say. 

And the boy would look up to him. 

“Never steal a car when you’re drunk,” the little tyke would repeat. 

“Good boy,” Ray Ray would touch his shoulder.  “Now go play.” 

It was right about then that a state trooper came in and sat directly behind Ray Ray. Back to Back. Ray Ray had stolen so many cars and done so many bogus drug deals that a little jeopardy was not unwelcome. If it were the first drug deal, or the 30th drug deal, Ray Ray might have been sweating it. But at this point, Ray Ray enjoyed a challenge. Here came Lois, 45 minutes late, getting out of pickup truck with a young man who Ray Ray thought looked like he’d just woke from a nap.

Lois said something to Marvin who nodded and sat down at the counter. He put a couple quarters in the Wall-O-Matic mini juke box. 

“Hello, my darlin,” said Ray Ray. 

“Is this your wife?” asked Daphne.

“She sure is,” said Ray Ray’ winking at Lois. 

“Darlin’ would you like a job? I sure could use somebody and your husband here said you’ve waited tables quite a bit.”

“Did he now,” said Lois.

“I sure could use the help, You could start right away I’ll give you a $50.00 signing bonus. 

“Fifty dollars?” asked Lois. 

“Then it’s six dollars an hour, Keep your own tips.”

“Let me think about it,” said Lois. “That sounds good.”

“You take all the time you need,” said Daphne, and scooted off to take the policeman’s order.

‘You Send Me,” Sam Cooke, came on and the diner filled with Sam Cooke’s voice. She turned and winked at Marvin.

“Don’t you dare tell Marvin I’m your wife,” hissed Lois. “ Do you have the…”

Ray Ray stopped her and pointed his thumb over his shoulder at the police. Ray Ray took an envelope out of his back pocket and put it on the table between them. 

‘Honey, we’ve got to pay this bill,” said Ray Ray. “They say they’ll cut off the electrics if we don’t get it in today.” 

“Well, I told you not to worry.” She pressed $50 in cash into his palm and pocketed the envelope.  “You just take this over there right now. And remember. No stopping at the bar – you go straight over there and pay the man.” This was fun. 

“Ok,  Don’t you boss me around dammit.” Have yourself a piece of pie with your cousin there.  And will you take the damn job? God knows we could use the money.”

Ray Ray was up and being a little loud now. Lois stood up too and shooed him out the door. 

“Go on, You lazy bum.” 

Ray Ray tossed a couple dollars by the cash register for his coffee and went out the door.  Ray Ray circled around to the back of the cafe. Not for nothing. He was looking for Daphne’s car.  

“Are you hungry ?” Asked Marvin. “Hamburgers are good here.” 

“Sure thing,” Lois said in his ear. “Unless you want to go get high in your pickup.” 

“Can I get you something?” Asked Daphne.

“Maybe later,” said Marvin. 

“ Hey, Do you want the job?” she called after Lois.

“Well, yeah,” said Lois, “I sure do want that job.”

“Start tomorrow at seven?” 

“You bet. Seven it is.”